I think it was me with your unit that had a few downtime 10-50's when I suddenly realized that 5'57 is not a proper number for height and I fucked up some things here and there and whatnot. I still remember telling you the story of that one Citizen who dragged a corpse all the way from Metropol to Nomad just to report a murder. Also remember some patrols with 994 and 719.
Marty Robbins: He's just the best, I love him and his music, makes me sad he's no longer with us..
It’s been awhile since I’ve listened to your sweet voice, I need to get some of your music approved so I can listen to you sing again.. Although, I’ve practiced mimicking your voice and I’ve been doing very well- I think!
CarlaThorpe: One of the only people I really talk to and enjoy doing so.. Our conversations actually make me feel like I’m not lonely.. Come to think of it, I like her a lot.
She's someone I want to spend all my time with and make heras happy as I can, the only time I'm sad is when she has to go..
I.. Well this wouldn't be the first time something akin to this has happened but... It.. I don't even really know what to say but.. It's your world I suppose..
I’m really starting to miss you.. Hopefully we’ll see each other soon.. Though I have one concern and that is the possibility you’ve intended on distancing yourself entirely from me.. I.. I hope that’s not the case.
To quote Benny.. "Truth is.. Game was rigged from the start.."
Selene: I got the letter, and I’m so happy! It’s been soo long since I’ve last seen you.. I hope we see each other again soon, my Muffin.
Mehul: A nice lady that I once consoled.. Which led to me becoming her friend I think.. I hope I see her again soon.
And on a side note it’s nice to see she’s happy with someone, kinda a contrast to my current situation I guess.
Pepsi: I still remember you and it seems you haven’t changed, I think you’re an absolute dork but it’s cute. Hm, I wonder where you’ve gone, I haven’t seen you on-duty or off, I hope you’re okay.
You said you were going away to another city but I know it’s a lie, I wonder what you’re doing at the moment however..
Strauss: I see you hanging about sometimes, I try to introduce myself but it tends to fall flat and you walk away or never notice in the first place.. I just want to be your friend.
I doubt I’ll ever be able to be your friend.. It just never seems like the situation will arise..
Judy: I also see you hanging about with Strauss all the time, and I so desperately wish to be apart of a friendship such as that.. However in recent days, I think I’ve found what I’ve needed, not that I still don’t want to be your friends.. I still remember that time when you took all my shit and knocked me out before dragging me to the FOB though, ouch.
It has dawned upon me given your position as a Conscript and apparant relationship with Strauss that I think it’s unlikely we’ll ever end up in a situation together long enough to even make conversation, and it’s even more unlikely my autistic awkward self will say anything to make you like me or some such..
‘Alesky’: It’s good to see you again Comrade! I was quite surprised to see you at the UCH but now that I have I feel as if perhaps more friends are among us!
Well, I am apart of a faction that wouldn’t really like you, but at the same time I haven’t seen you around nor do I intend on saying anything.
994: She's something.. Kinda feels like we're anti's but I think we'll get along, she seems to have good intentions. Although I kinda wish she'd stop questioning me.. Come to think of it.. She's Greek which uh.. That makes me a bit uncomfortable..
I get mini-heart attacks from the things you say sometimes, and well.. I've come to grow more aquanted with you, and I think you're neato. Apparantly loves Muffins.. What the fuck..
831: I think he’s a bit fresh but aren’t we all? I think we’ll get along fine.
Sasha: He's a nice sort, I know he's an on-base staff, I remember his voice, not quite sure what to make of his request, though, if it's beneficial to me and helps or encourages me to go about my Detective work.. (Which has been dormant as I haven't anything to investigate..)
Hmm.. Well, he’s my new employer I suppose I Report to him what’s going on..
I haven’t seen Sasha for a long long time, I’m starting to get worried.. But at the same time, now I’m free from any possible blackmailing..
Tony Sparacio: I uh, I remember you had a voice, then you didn’t, and then you got it back.. Now you’ve got a deli shop going on which is neato..
Don’t know much about him, so I guess my judgement is reserved, although I think he’s an alright fellow from my interactions.. Come to think of it wasn’t he the one that went about praising the UU or some such on a regular basis? I dunno...
24th Conscript Battalion:Even though are time together was very short and abruptly cut, looking back it was rather nice.. I.. I don’t fuckingnknow..
Well.. I kinda wanna be with you guys.. Comradery instead of.. Authoritarian like behavior..
MPF: I really like Law Enforcement as a concept, which is kinda why I wear what I wear along with why I like talking to MPF.. Perhaps I’ll join?
Uhm, those two fucking units 696 and 645.. I absolutely hate them, they’re a stain on the MPF’s good name.. Harassing Citizens at every turn.. I hate those two.. I prefer Officers such as the East Germany one, or 941, and perhaps the High Command when they came down to associate with the local peasants.
... What is there to say about what happened at the CMU? I’m very glad I didn’t have to see any of that as.. The screams... I can’t get them out of my head..
Well, this is certainly going to be an interesting experience. I suppose this was inevitable, neat.
It’s been quite the neat second day, but the only thing I think I have trouble with is how to actually talk with my fellow units. I mean.. I don’t really know what to say in a casual sense.. Like.. Eh, it’s hard to explain, which is nothing new.
I’m getting along with my fellow fellows.. Although I feel as though perhaps it might’ve been more enjoyable had I joined the Conscripts which actually have people I knew slightly.. I dunno.. I’m tired..
Citizens: A lot of Citizens are complete nut jobs, but I guess it’s different than it was back home..
The bald ones are the ones I’m truly concerned by, they look like the kind of person to walk up behind you in plain daylight and slit your throat.
Poor bastards.. Those that weren’t as high of loyalty status, CMU, or just able to hide and escape got gunned down.. Why did you have to scream? I can’t get that hellish screaming out of my ears.. You poor bastards..
I’m starting to become weary of the populace we’re protecting, well, I’m moreso afraid of those VC AC fuckers but it just.. Damn people sure are weird.
Loyalists: Normal people, or atleast people who I can trust won’t stab me or slit my throat. And well.. I like them.
They certainly won’t hurt me and I respect them for being decent people.
UniversalUnion: A big piece of propaganda is what the UU is.. I’m mostly loyal because most of my interactions have been with the Law Enforcement in such a way that I respect them.. I dunno, maybe I am a closet loyalist or something..?
Okay, so maybe I am a kinda teeny tiny loyalist I mean, it sure beats the hell outta getting shot at or dealing with Skinwalkers which I actually had a lot of fun researching.. The CMU incident was uhmm.. That was fucked.
Skinwalkers: Interesting Cryptids, I’d never seen anything like them and I was rather intrigued, it all started when I found that blood trail, I felt so brave back then maybe I was just masking my anxiety and fear from myself.. Too bad I won’t be able to study you monsters anymore though at the same time, atleast I’m safe.. Which is why I don’t want to ever get into a fight with one..
Some Random Thoughts Collins thinks about:
So, I think life is looking swell in a lot of regards, I got someone I reaaaally care about, Tokens, loyalty points, my suit, and well all this other stuff.. Thing I find funny is that Carla makes me sad, not in a bad way it’s just I’m always waiting around I guess like some dog or something, and I haven’t seen her recently so yea, abit depressing without her.. Judging by the stature, Pax is back.. I got pegged down quite a lot.. The suitcase collection must be returned to its former glory! Though I worry my fifteen books which almost all were destroyed will never be able to be completed.. Maybe if I buy book armor, I can just disassemble it and take the books? Hmm..
Do I have any friends? I feel like.. I dunno, I feel lonely as I lean on the railings overlooking the plaza, I think of Carla mostly as I don’t really have much to think about.. Well, aside from Marty and those really catchy German Marching songs.. Funkerlied is my jam.. Am I weird? Like people always say I don’t look them in the eyes or something, I know what they’re on about but I can’t help it.. Are snarks a thing around here? If there is a god, please no don’t do it to us like that chief.. I wonder if anyone thinks I’m a Unit, I mean, given my attire and general love for law enforcement I would think it reasonable some have their suspicions. I wish..
If I didn’t already have PTSD before I do now.. I can’t forget the noise, the OVERWHELMING NOISE.. The screaming the shooting... I think some Officers are as disgusted if not moreso considering they had to do it.. I mean... I’ve seen shit, I’ve killed a lot of people before but, I’ve never killed non-combatants in such a way.. And it was always quick.. No pain but.. The SCREAMING.. And.. When I came back, so much blood.. More than I’ve ever seen before... Oh god.. I cried, which I haven’t done in.. Months? Regardless, I spoke with Thorpe and I’m feeling a lot better.
Yea know, I often find myself reminiscing of the old days when all people worried about was money and the 24th.. Compared to now it’s so different like a soldier returning home from deployment.. Which I was a soldier, heh.. For a short time atleast.. Until Connor nabbed me off the wall.. Come to think of it.. All my relationships just.. I haven’t seen Connor in all this time.. We were supposed to go on for so much longer but... Oh no.. Is he dead? Please don’t be dead.. And I haven’t actually seen Selene because she’s in Greece or something.. Life just changed so dramatically when we came to the City friends and lovers just.. Dissapeared from my life.. First “love” I found in the City afterwards was Lancaster which I felt was too rushed and I told her so... She’s dead now, I know she’s dead.. I feel bad, slightly.. She talked to me about how lonely and dark everything was.. How she got put off duty for a bit and then it all happened.. We haven’t seen her since, because just like everyone.. They all end up in the cremator.. But.. After Landcaster I uh.. Well, I remember meeting Thorpe once I remained as the only person willing to attend her workblock, which part of it was because I wanted to work and part of it was because I thought (and rightly so) she was cute.. After that I had a crush on her and with Evelyn’s absence I could well.. I actually don’t remember how we hit it off.. How could I forget something like that? Anyways it’s been great, but I can’t help but feel bad about all the relationships I’ve been in before.. I dunno, I feel like I’m writing a Biography.. Anyways.. I hope my daydreamings of cowboys and outlaws which rendered me to remain indoors for the past few days hasn’t hurt my relationship with Carla. I really don’t want to dissapoint her.
I miss my Vo-Coder.. Connor had it set to perfectly mimic Marty’s voice and I adored it.. I.. That’s how I assumed the mantle of Marty Robbins, because I could no longer go by my usual name Olivia McCormick.. This little incident named myself Marty. Which progressed to Marty Robbins, and it went on to become my final nickname Detective Marty Robbins.. Connor just kept going by the stale nickname of Klay though.. That- OH NO! I should’ve taken the opportunity to take Thorpe out to eat somewhere.. I mean, I could do that about anytime probably but.. It won’t be as special.. This is so sad, Alexa play Cottonwood Tree by Marty Robbins..
I wonder if it’d be neat to take up an occupation in Law Enforcement or with CHAD.. Why did it have to be acronymed as CHAD? Kinda group you’d expect Vanessa to be apart of given the name.. I mean.. Assuming I could go off-duty like any normal citizen so I could spend time with Thorpe that’d be great. Although I hear that line of work is rather well.. It can be short lived.. Though at the same time, how’s it any different than having lived in the Outlands?
What do I do with all my money? Like seriously, what do I do with that much cash? Like.. It’s just.. I don’t really have anything to spend it on aside from clothes maybe.. Though I did pay Pugno for protective services so that’s something worthwhile.
Oh I know what I can do with all my money, hit up Sally and ask if she has any Vodka for sale, I need to drink.. Maybe I do feel toyed with.. Feels like I've been shot sorta.. Sudden and well.. It hurts.
I need to rethink some things...
Had to work up the courage to do it but I feel like I’ve made the right decision.. Now I’ll actually be doing something as opposed to standing around doing.. Wait a second.. Haha.
I wonder.. Does power corrupt, I feel like I’ve changed slightly. I’ve done things that.. I wouldn’t typically do.. I feel ruthless but I don’t know how else to act.. Aside from that I’ve almost died perhaps once, but then again it was moreso a physical struggle.. Actually not too life-threatening but without backup it would be anyways.. I’m enjoying my time..
I can’t stop thinking about what I saw.. What I was approached with.. They.. They’re happy and they’re together,but what am I anymore but angry and lonely.. When I think about it more I just feel worse.. I want that.. Whatever you call it.. Why did I just think of Blue Moon? I haven’t heard that song in YEARS.. I.. I’m.. Lonely and yes I’ve said it before but... WHAT AM I.. ARGHH! I.. I just wanna cry and cry.. I never cry I never express emotions like I should I just.. I’m just Collins...
It happened! I'm an Oh-FOUR! I'm gonna do my utmost to do my best and study this stuff thouroughly, ohhhh I can't wait to see Thorpe!
Haven't seen any familiar faces.. And I kinda sorta cussed at a unit.. Due to how nervous I was I kinda thought something he said implied affiliations with my job so I kinda might've got a bit.. Sorry.. Anyways, I'm hoping to get a PDA soon for contacting people, which is to say probably no one but a select few.
Talked with Thorpe in person.. I don't think I feel so good.. I used to have so much more meaningful things going for me.. Going with her.. I mean.. Fuck I.. I sound like an inconsiderate and ungreatful asshole don't I? I used to.... I went as high as I could.. And now everything else tastes bitter.. Surrounded by Comrades and I'm the lonliest I've ever felt.. Probably because I'm always wearing that mask, I never see my old friends of whom I trust.. And I don't have Thorpe..
Listened to Nine-Nine-Four’s spiel about love and stuff and well.. I haven’t seen her since, although I think she’s still around..
So.. I’ve been on duty all day and the only thing I did that felt comforting was paying for someone’s medical bill after they got nearly beaten to death by other units.. She said we have no empathy.. If I was alone in a room and I wasn’t afraid of reprimand for being nicer.. I’d be as nice as can be.. And I.. I paid for his bill I hope that made her happy.. Kinda wanna talk to her more while I’m off..